STOP PRESS: I finally caught Mrs Blackbird yelling birdie obscenities at Kitty who is getting a bit fed up of having no peace at all!!!

I am very glad that I don’t own a gun and that I live in country where it is generally against the law to own one. Because if I had a gun, last week I would have shot my dog, Dylan. He had a charming dose of the trots FOR 3 DAYS. 3 mornings of cleaning out his bed (crate) before breakfast to a chorus of “ohmygod, that’s just disgusting” from my darling precious daughters who would have run the risk of being shot too.

This week I would shoot Mrs Blackbird. Yep, that’s right. Mrs Blackbird. I would point my gun and BANG. Feathers all over the place. And then PEACE. QUIET.

Now before you rush to judgement – let me ask – have you ever heard an agitated Blackbird. They make the most annoying racket and it goes on and on and on. The problem clearly is that Mrs Blackbird is a mammy. She must have a nest full of baby blackbirds in the tree at the end of the garden. I am also assuming that this particular Mrs Blackbird was a bit sloppy when it came to doing her background research on a suitable location for her nest. She clearly saw the tree and letting her heart rule her head, decided “This is it”. “This is my tree. This will be my new home.” Had she come back for a second viewing before finally making her mind up (and had she bothered to tune into Kirsty and Phil she would have known all this), she would have realised that she was making a nest at the end of a garden belonging to four cats.

Now my cats are generally laid back, lazy moggies who venture into the garden to lie in the sun or do their business. They have a cat flap to facilitate these comings and goings. Youngest of the foursome is Kitty and she occasionally brings home a field mouse. She has never (to my knowledge) caught a bird. But anytime any of the cats venture into the garden at the moment, Mrs Blackbird comes flying out of her fabulous tree, roaring and bawling all kinds of birdie obscenities. She perches on the swing and keeps up her tirade until the cat in question retreats indoors again. But when Kitty puts one paw into the garden she goes ballistic altogether. Squawking and screeching at the top of her lungs and dive bombing Kitty as she wanders down the path.

But this morning took the biscuit altogether. I was sitting trying at my laptop trying to work on a story. I have gotten somewhat used to the incessant squawking but all of a sudden it seemed to go up a gear and get louder. “Oh shut up” I roared as I turned around to see Kitty sitting indoors on the window sill and Mrs Blackbird perched on a patio chair directly outside the window telling Kitty exactly what she would do with her if she even put one leg into the garden. I was stunned. Of course I had no camera to hand.

I will admit to admiring Mrs Blackbird’s tenacity and her dogged protection of her offspring. But clearly her hormones have gotten the better of her and I am worried for her sanity. Without a gun I am just praying that all her babies fledge successfully and soon. And that Kitty stays as lazy as she is, so we can all live happily ever after!

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Writing and Talking.... on the radio, on the telly and in the papers.

22 thoughts on “BANG BANG BIRDIE”

  1. Oh my goodness Barbara, this was the funniest post ever! I am ROFLOL here. The dog, the bird, the cat, and poor you sitting at what is supposed to be your peaceful kitchen table with a garden view sipping on your cup of tea and writing one of your brilliant stories– oh dear, the bird yelling at the cat in the window! Did you pour out the tea and add vodka to your cup? This was priceless. Please finish your stories so I can read each and every one of them! I need more Barbara Scully!

  2. Hilarious Barbara,
    Could you find another twenty three blackbirds and bake a pie ?, like the nursery rhyme,
    I have a bird that wolf whistles when anyone goes out in the garden, so long since thats happened to me, I am quite grateful.
    That blackbird has some issues going on, thanks for the laugh.

  3. What a chaotic scene! Can't help wondering if Dylan's problem is linked to the blackbird issue though. When Josh-the-dog was younger he ate bird poo obsessively. Once when we returned from holiday he roared into the garden and gobbled up a whole week's worth of the stuff and woke up in the night with a terrible tum… is it any wonder?

  4. Thanks for the comments… I have lovely pictures of laughing all over the place – from neighbours in Dublin to UK and America on the other side! Must tell Mrs Blackbird – might help her to calm down a bit!

    Ellen – yep Dylan is gorgeous. Nice but thick is how my dear mother describes him. She once described a boyfriend same way!!!! (Not my present husband I hasten to add).

    Rosalind – no it wasnt bird poop that got Dylan's delicate innards in a mess – it was eating bits of burger and hot dogs at our local GAA family fun day! I refer to my mother's comment above!!!

  5. What a hilarious post! I am hooting (I hasten to add, not like Mrs. Blackbird) with laughter. The picture of the bird outside the window bawling at your cat is priceless. Fabulous post. Keep 'em coming. You made my day!

  6. Really funny. Animals (birds included) are wonderful creatures, but they can be a pain. My children long ago once had a pair of doves, male and female. The female was pecking the male to death. They finally died and were buried in a moonlight ceremony in the backyard. See, later you can stroll happily down memory lane.

  7. Oh I'm speechless Barbara. Absolutely hilarious! I laughed out loud the whole way through and I wanted more. Your best post ever! Maria x

  8. Ha! Funny stuff.

    Reminds me of a squirrel my parents used to have in their garden. It used to come up to the sitting room window, press its little squirrelly paws up against the glass and peer in at my poor dog, going ballistic just the width of a window pane away. How that dog didn't have a heart attack, I will never know.

  9. Hey now, let's take a minute to admire mother love in action. Think of the little feathery blackbird and your Kitty who is four times bigger. What an example to us all. Yes, I know that yip yip yip would do your head in – but I say good on you blackbird. And here's a thing. Where is daddy? That's what I'd like to know. But the blog was really really funny.

  10. Maya – thank you , I am glad I made ur day.
    Ann – doves buried during a Moonlight Ceremony in the back garden – how lovely!
    Maria – best post ever? Why thank you!
    Jane – so not surprised to hear about your squirrel with 'little squirrelly paws'. Glad ur dog survived tho!
    Niamh : glad ur liked it.
    Nor : yeah – lets hear it for the mommy birds. Alto I would say that her husband/partner has long since left. He couldnt stand the nagging!

  11. I sympathize completely. I felt the same way this morning when my neighbor's dog began yelping as though he'd caught his paw in a bear trap. Apparently my neighbor had inserted ear plugs and gone back to bed after she let the dog out.

  12. You're a better person than me for dealing with your dog's problem. I always tell people I prefer children to dogs because they leave the potty issues behind around age 3.

    I'm a cat person. Their laziness and self-sufficiency makes them my kind of pet. And there's less drool.

  13. Brilliant! lol – I loved Mrs Blackbirds decision making process over her nests location.

    We too have had a nesting blackbird in our garden hedge – it involved all sorts of manouvres to keep us and the cats from disturbing them. The bench where we usually sit was just in front of the nest which we found when one cat climbed on the back of it and stuck his head in the hedge, we peered in to see what he was looking at, to be confronted with a nest full of blackbird chicks! Bench, cats and us had to move to a safe distance. . . until today when we checked and they had all fledged! . . . thank goodness. 🙂

    I REALLY don't envy you having to deal with Dylans 'upset' – been there, done that, you have my sympathy! 🙂

    Great post – thanks for the laughs.

  14. Funny, funny. Your poor cats are being terrorised by a hormonal mother, oh no! I hope she has her babies soon 🙂 No comment on the Dylan story, might have to revise my impression of you as a safe person to be around!

  15. Patricia – dogs barking and house alarms, other things that make me want to grab the nearest gun.!

    Theresa – yep I am also a cat person.. and that has its own challenges! But generally not in the poo department. Well except when… well thats another story!

    Oh Susannah – you are showing me up with your kindness and consideration for nesting birdies. But I will accept your sympathy on the dog poo department with thanks

    Niamh – what me? I am very safe. Its the dog that is the trouble!!!

    Anon – noooo, dont tell me thats a boy blackbird – would explain the aggression though????

    Niamh – yeah it would have been the perfect shot except my knees creaked as I bent down and the noise startled Kitty!!!

    aLmYbNeNr – an award… yippeee … off to collect now.

    Hiya Mia!

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