“When retiring to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him.
If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband’s wishes. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.
You may then set the alarm so that you can arise before him in the morning to enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he wakes.”
So… if this ‘handbook’ was being rewritten today what should be included as vital information for young girls of today? Here are just some pointers which I think should be included:
If you are a stay at home wife/mother with little or no financial clout in your relationship, remember that you do have at your disposal a tool that is much more powerful in aiding your negotiating skills. That tool is sex. Withholding sex is probably one of the most effective ways to encourage your man to see things your way.
Remember girls, that your role as wife does not include his automatic right to sex whenever he wishes. Sex is your gift to your husband – use it wisely!
A few well chosen words, as you stroke his ‘ego’ can work wonders and bring rapid resolution to all kinds of otherwise contentious subjects which, outside the bedroom could lead to explosive rows and days of sulking. Make sure girls, that while your hands are working their magic, your brain is also working away to capitalise on the fact that men don’t multi task and so while his manhood is busy, his brain has gone into sexual meltdown.
If all this is too much to remember, may I refer students to study Gabrielle in Desperate Housewives – she has all the above down to a fine art. And whereas I would never advocate an affair…. her gardener was so cute!!!!
I don't see anything wrong with that handbook from the '60's. All great advice. Advice that you'd be well advised to follow. Taking that hussy Gabrielle as a role model – ugh. Words fail me!! Although I agree her gardener was cute.
This post made me giggle, I shall print it out and pass it on to my daughter when she's old enough. I think I'll keep it away from my husband though, he might only take in the 60's advice!
Two very interesting?? takes on the wifely role. Blood verging on boil reading the first one. Blood cooling down due to a chuckle reading the second. Nice twist.
I found a book in a charity shop called 'the marriage art' dated 1954 – and if you thought that article from the 60's was bad you ought to read that book – it was jaw dropping!
Hilarious Barbara, I must take the advice to remove my hair rollers first, wouldnt want to offend the poor dears, would we ? Loved the second part too,
Great wit as usual,
Having a bit of withdrawal from Twitter but am achieving a bit more than usual,
Brigid
I am so glad I was not in school in the early 60s. Outrageous! Love your thoughts though. Great post!
Hello Ladies… glad u all liked my post and got a giggle from it! It was one I was a bit afraid to post! A bit too much info? But no, you all got the joke. My OH needed help is getting it but he is OK now… kindof. Might have sort of shot myself in the foot.. will let you know!
Noirin – how can you call Gabrielle Solis a hussy – she is a Goddess.. I want to be her!
Oh, I get it; it's the hair-rollers that's why my last four husbands left me. Will try harder with Number Five, must get it right so can be a respectable member of society;)
'Duty' V 'gift'…thank God we've moved beyond duty: gift is beautiful. Well done Barbara! x.
Brilliant post Barbara … loved every word! My God we have come a long way haven't we? I raise my glass to all the brave and brazen women trail blazers who dared to go to bed with rollers and Ponds and didn't conform to the male dominated consciousness of the 60's. You should write a 2010 Sex Education Book for boys and girls… it would be a bestseller!! Noirin … your comment really made me laugh too!
Oh Niamh – lost 4 husbands to hair rollers – how careless of you!
Siobhan – not sure that my idea of 'gifting' sex is beautiful but glad you liked the post!
Jan- glad you laughed. Sure you'd have to! Else you'd cry!!
Great fun but a lot of truth in it too – sex and power are inextricably linked, now and in those halcyon (for men!) 50s days. It reminded me of the good housewive's guide from that era (though its provenance and chronology are disputed) which I downloaded and framed for a colleague's hen night! She has it in her kitchen and her hubby sees nothing at all wrong with it! Whaddya think? http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm
Women in Kenya withheld sexual favours from their men in order to get them to stop political infighting (now there's an idea for our political squabblers!!)
plenty of food for thought here!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/may/01/kenya-sex-politics-women
Enjoy! Catherine x
Great post, really enjoyed it. I have seen a couple of extracts from these times before, but liked this one, especially the one moan instruction! Your modern day take was very funny too. Glad I visited, but I can't see your follow blog button? Or maybe I am being a bit thick! Very possible!
Hi all you young ladies. Just remember one thing, that “advice” was issued in the swinging sixties. I doubt very much that it was taken very earnestly to heart by most young women of the time. My own Mam and Dad had a very close sexual relationship and she was every bit as important to him as he was to her. I'd love to know who paid the Advisor – I bet that would be indicitive of who WANTED that to be the way of things. Mutually enjoyable sex is a great gift to both partners and is even better when enhanced by love. So enjoy your marriages/relationships and partnerships. This is what I see looking back on sixty years.