“When retiring to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him.
If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband’s wishes. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.
You may then set the alarm so that you can arise before him in the morning to enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he wakes.”
So… if this ‘handbook’ was being rewritten today what should be included as vital information for young girls of today? Here are just some pointers which I think should be included:
If you are a stay at home wife/mother with little or no financial clout in your relationship, remember that you do have at your disposal a tool that is much more powerful in aiding your negotiating skills. That tool is sex. Withholding sex is probably one of the most effective ways to encourage your man to see things your way.
Remember girls, that your role as wife does not include his automatic right to sex whenever he wishes. Sex is your gift to your husband – use it wisely!
A few well chosen words, as you stroke his ‘ego’ can work wonders and bring rapid resolution to all kinds of otherwise contentious subjects which, outside the bedroom could lead to explosive rows and days of sulking. Make sure girls, that while your hands are working their magic, your brain is also working away to capitalise on the fact that men don’t multi task and so while his manhood is busy, his brain has gone into sexual meltdown.
If all this is too much to remember, may I refer students to study Gabrielle in Desperate Housewives – she has all the above down to a fine art. And whereas I would never advocate an affair…. her gardener was so cute!!!!